Gaps

My daughter lost her first tooth last night--a bottom front tooth--which leaves her with that cute gap that is the signature of all 6-year-olds. This event brings me many conflicting feelings. I feel proud that she's reaching milestones. I feel sad that though she looks her age, she is more like a 3- or 4-year-old. I feel nostalgic for my own youth, remembering clearly that my first tooth was lost down the hatch while eating a bite of chicken. I feel anxious about what the lost tooth portends: months of teething pain for Grace, which was bad enough first time around. I feel worried that the agitated and destructive behavior we've seen the last few weeks is unrelated to the teeth, which means it is something unknown and therefore scary.

On top of all of this, the holiday season is open season on emotions for me. I am trying to integrate my memories and my hopes with the reality of my life, and it is difficult.

I feel like a rubber band at breaking point.