Dog tired

Today is the first day in a long time that I haven't left the house. The Yuletide run ended yesterday evening, and I had no errands to do today, so I've just been hanging out with the family. I haven't seen too much of them lately, and am enjoying being with them. In a few days, I'll be heading off for a few days alone, a sort of retreat for myself, so I need to put some family time in the bank. I have mixed feelings about my trip--my husband's recent diagnosis has left him feeling low, and he's felt trapped alone at home while I've been working, but I really feel the need for some refueling of myself. Before I met my hubby I spent a lot of time alone. During that time I felt very lonely, but looking back, I realize that I needed some of that time alone to recharge myself. So I'm taking a three-night trip to an inn in southern Indiana--two whole days to sit quietly, to sleep, to read, to play with crayons, to watch movies, to practice Tartini and Kreutzer, to think about the changes in my life.

I am working my way towards living in some sort of normalcy. It seems impossible with the threat of loss so close, but I look back and see that I managed to deal with the initial diagnosis of autism for Grace, and was even starting to be okay with her subsequent mito diagnosis. I am not happy about these things, but I can accept that they are part of my life. So I suspect that, given some time, I will also be able to absorb my husband's diagnosis and symptoms. Kevin told me the other day about Seneca's analogy of the dog tied to the cart--is he happier if he fights against the inexorable movement of the cart or if he just trots along behind it? I'm resolved to trot as well as I can. My life may be full of difficulties, but it's my life, and I am better off just accepting the bad along with the good.