Today marks the 4th anniversary of my having met my beloved husband on the internet! We spent some time today reminiscing about that day, and what we did and felt before our chance encounter. I remember the pain of loneliness I felt that morning as I dragged myself out of bed to go pick up an elderly friend for church. When I arrived at her house, she yelled out the door that she had a family situation and wouldn't be going after all. I bawled on the way to church, for some reason feeling rejected and useless, as I often felt in those days, indeed for most of my life.
As I sat in the congregation, surrounded by families and older couples, I struggled not to cry as I felt how truly isolated I was. True, I had a job I loved, and after years of therapy, an understanding of how I had come to be who I was, and the ability to accept myself, but what I did not have was a soul mate, and that was what I craved.
That afternoon I puttered around the house trying to regain my sense of purpose, logging onto my matchmaking service to troll for potential mates. It seemed that they were all shallow or uninterested or Republican. Then, there he was--the man who barely described himself at all, but who said he thought intelligence was sexy. I tossed off an inquiring email, and the rest is history.
In the four years since then, my sweetie and I have been through more than the average bear, including marriage, miscarriage, family strife, and a difficult pregnancy, followed by the discovery that our daughter would be a little more intensive work than we had expected. There are times of great frustration and sorrow, but when I look at the balance sheet, I see the preponderance of joy and delight that I have as a wife and mother.